The Fart at the Grocery Store

Now I woke up this blissful morning with the conviction that I need to get rid of my alarm. I mean we’ve broken up a couple of times and made up again. But I figured it’s time to move on, if it will keep serving me and my neighbors as far as a mile away every morning. Moreover, half an hour more of sleep is better than a deafening alarm.

Breakfast was…..nonexistent, and as usual, I was hoping for a short day so I get to drive off early and munch on something. I got to the hospital and just as I blurted “Good morning” to my Consultant/Supervisor, it hit me that I’d left my case report at home. I literally wanted the ground to open up and just keep me underneath till lunch time or something. And it probably should have, had it foreseen what lay ahead.

So I somehow managed to escape turning the paper in. And it was a short day after all.

I was on a purple patch…...

You see I’ve never really understood why these grocery stores keep switching items from their positions every now and then. Fine, I get that the “unnoticed” need to be made more conspicuous. But really, who cares? At least I didn’t at this point; I’m just saying I still won’t pick up a can of factory made soup because it’s staring me in the face, no thank you.

No really, because if these hot dogs were in the right cold section, I probably would have made it out in time to avoid the near death experience, or worse some degree of brain damage/death of one or two precious brain cells I had.

At the checkout, I bumped into this cute kid…..9, 10 maybe 11 months old tops. Definitely hadn’t seen up to 365days as yet. She was clearly enjoying the trolley ride, and seemed to be sorting the items her mom had collected: “okay chances are once we get home, these will go to places way outta reach, so I should probably make my move now, now……or never. *Sigh, This is it”

We exchanged a smile like we had met before, and………that was it. In a split second, everything stopped; the cashier, the cash machine, the Michael Buble tune playing in the background….I mean everything stopped. I was sure, but not sure how we had somehow teleported to the waste section of a Bio-lab recycling by-products from a ruminant farm. It hit me like Nerve Gas, and I turned to the baby in the trolley (not sure why)……Her eyes popped so far out of her socket, and her faced cringed. I could tell she agreed we were dealing with a potential bioweapon….the look on her face clearly read “you adults are just disgusting. I mean, really, C’mon, what careless dork does this in the face of a child? Oh dear heaven, I should have stayed with Jesus a little longer”

In the moment, the look on her cuddly face now reasonably wrinkled seemed convinced dance school or something was her only option now; since Maths and Physics were out of the question considering the possible brain damage she had just suffered. I couldn’t agree more. I felt dizzy and close to floor….very close.

As a medical student, I know that what comes out from our behinds is basically, methane and H2S (Hydrogen Sulphide). H2S being the culprit that calls us out, flatly. But this gentleman in front of me had clearly been dieting on something I’d suggest the FDA look into, and rightly so; should be banned from the market.



Did I stay to checkout? You tell me what you could have done